Week Three: Moderation and Balance

Week three on the diet has brought me to many thoughts and realities about Polycystic Kidney Disease, and my place within it…perhaps. It has been a week of endings at school, continuance at jiujitsu and beginnings of the summer. So many personae and identities to blend: father, teacher, martial artist, musician, writer…

It is Father’s Day and I decided this morning to take a devil may care day on the diet; I do not want to forget that I am trying to stay alive to live and not eek out a meagre existence without experience or joy of a good meal with family that does not include Cronometer at the table. I also know not to let that line smudge so that I descend into a Hell of getting back to ketosis a week later. I never forget that I am fortunate enough to see a long horizon in lieu of death sentence on my PKD. I am in this game of Ren.Nu to make long term changes to keep me going as I am as long as I want. I also know that MOsT of these changes are positive, doable and will have a great affect on the quality of my life. But a great thing soon can become a cult of sacrifice and I know better; I studied vampire cults and identity construction for my Master of Arts at McGill University. Too much is often worse than not enough.

Enough philosophy. How has the diet been going? I think very well. I feel less dead at 4pm, though I have had a few headaches along the way. I enjoy my weekly text check-in with my nutritionist just to see what she sees. It helps and makes it worth the cost of the program. The KetoCitra is good. I actually like it as a drink. Caveat emptor: it is awful as a sports drink. I had some in the car before jiujitsu so I used it and ended up with a massive headache after 8 rounds of 8 minutes of combat. Bad idea, genius. The group sessions help remind me that there are others doing the program who have more and fewer challenges than I do at this stage. I am always interested to see the difference between Canada and the USA when it comes to food and medical experiences. The sessions are a bit of a slog, but they probably need to be.

I have been doing my own meditation program as usual with the Waking Up app. I spent a long time finding the best mindfulness approach for me as a way of letting go of the fear of death, pain and illness that comes along with PKD. I do not think I could have done the MRIs or the sclerotherapy procedures without Sam Harris. My preference, but also a suggestion for others. I expect to always use the app especially now that he has added lectures by others about Self, duality and Buddhism.

Jiujitsu has been rough. I have zero power still. Opponents have 100 percent and adrenaline. Still, this is what I do, and lost 15 lbs in a month have made my body so much more fluid. I am losing one session a week, but I did a 6.6 km run instead of the second session in 40 minutes just to get my body moving at a keto-friendly pace. With a week of day long training sessions in Estonia in a few weeks it is in my interest to find a balance between what I can do and what I need to do, both in terms of carbohydrates and exertion.

Ketosis is slippery. I am just holding on at the bottom end of light nutritional ketosis this week. That is fine for my current goals; I feel pretty solid, am losing weight and have a reasonable mindset, I think. From my experience before, things will get hairy in two weeks as those voice of “reason” start chiming in. People will say: “uhhh, you look too thin.” or “aren’t you too old to be doing this; you need to eat. !” I am fine with that. The beard had to go or I would resemble Rasputin pretty quickly.

What motivates me? My daughter had her first ballerina recital at age five. I want to be here for her as long as I can. I want to be mobile, pain minimal and active for as long as I can until I cannot. She mischievously asked me whether I would die from eating her candy this week; she wanted to know whether it had to be hidden, I think. Life is extraordinary, and I appreciate the struggle, because it gives me the beauty of a summer night motorcycle ride, a blistering blues guitar solo, a perfect Jiujitsu strangle or a profound conversation with a friend. I can avoid a doughnut for that, can’t you?

5 thoughts on “Week Three: Moderation and Balance

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  1. I’m quite interested to see how people deal with this. My daughter is 13 years and was diagnosed 3 months ago. We’re still trying to find what she needs. Not much of help or support in South Africa for patients yet. Thank you for encouraging other people by documenting your experience on this

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